Well, here I am. As the title says, it’s me, Babs, and a little bag of raisins. Technically, right now it’s just me and a sticky plastic bag that held raisins a few minutes ago. I finished them before the previews were even over, so I have nothing. And no one. I feel very lonely, but they say you really must have a solo movie-going experience at least once in your life. I can’t say I’m convinced. There’s a trio of teenyboppers (am I old enough to call them that?) in the back row, and a gaggle of teens have their Ugg-clad feet propped up down in front. The only other patrons are an elderly couple and a skinny-looking kid in a windbreaker jacket. Not the most promising of company. Ah, well. To the movie.

After
I liked it, personally. I like Barba Streisand on principle, and I like Seth Rogen from experience. But I kept feeling like I’m going to end up like Barbra’s character- sad and lonely, eating peanut M&M’s in bed because no one’s there to stop her. How sad, right? Not to fear, I’m pretty sure my one-ness had no effect on me during the movie. I laughed louder than anyone else in the theater at the corniest jokes. I laughed at the subtle stuff too. I guess what bummed me out most was that no one else did, at either.

After-After

So then I went out to the car to decide where to have dinner. First, I went to a little diner. I figured I’d channel my inner hipster-meets-wannabe-writer by plunking down solo at a table with a stack of pancakes and a good book and while away some time. Good plan, right? Nope. I go in to find I am THE ONLY CUSTOMER. There are three employees on duty, and now all of their attention and scrutiny is devoted to me, the lonely weirdo who brings a book into a restaurant. In my purse, of course. So I fake like I’m texting someone, glance casu-fakely out the plate glass, and announce, sorry, my friend has decided to meet somewhere else. They wave and nod like we’re old friends and I shamefully look for somewhere else to be alone.

So, finally,

Here I am, in the parking lot of a Wendy’s, cupping a bowl of chili, my only friend on this cold night. I’m frugal, so naturally my heat’s not on, so I’m grateful that I ordered something that stays hot for a long time. I think the saddest part of all this is the lie I told my sister about how I had decided to meet a friend for dinner after the movie. How sad is that fake story gonna be to tell? The good news is, I’ll only be lonely for a few more hours. After I finish up here, I’ll head home to my lonely bed for some peanut M&M’s, which I absolutely must eat because I’m dramatic, and it will make this whole, lonely, mildly depressing night so worth it.