closure.

You were perfect.

You said what I needed to hear.

You told me I was wonderful

and beautiful

and strong

and smart.

I was a fresh face in a new scene

Worried that everyone already knew who I was

And equally worried that no one knew.

We sifted through it all together

Sorted out the whole place

We ruled our corner of that universe together and

We were perfect.

And then I left you behind

In our old corner of the universe.

I smiled at my new space

So happy to have a room all to myself

At first, but

Elapsed time and unresolved questions piled up above my head

The more there were

The emptier it became.

Weeks passed

Months burned away in silence and questions

Each of us in our own separate, newly-made corners

And sometimes I would wonder

What the universe looked like for you all the way over there

Because for me sometimes it was cold

And empty.

I couldn’t take the guessing

The wondering

So I grew a pair (even though you know I hate that phrase)

And I brought my piece of the universe right next to yours again

For this little space of time.

Now, as I hang up the phone

I don’t feel lonely

or guilty

or selfish

or worried that I forgot to say one of those thousands of things

lurking right below the surface for all of these months

You told me I was wonderful

and brave

and strong

and smart all by myself.

You said what I needed to hear.

You were perfect.

__________

As usual, gimme yer feedback. Please and thank you. Even if it’s two words. But it better not be.

xoxo,

Unglib

i’ll never know (i’m sorry)

i remember that snow ball fight that first night when neither of us had anything to lose

you came to my table and i couldn’t stop laughing

i didn’t know you but i knew i wanted to 

i followed you out into the cold and we were perfect for that moment

you put your arms around me and i wondered what it would be like to stay that way

all winter i waited

sitting in the library forcing myself not to wonder about you

you surprised me by reaching out

i surprised myself and reached back

i didn’t understand that you wanted me for me

you didn’t care that i didn’t believe in myself

in fact you couldn’t see my rough edges

just my smile, my wild hair, my shy advances

you tried to know what i wanted even though i didn’t know myself

trying to put together the puzzle pieces i was still shaping

 

i wanted your arms

i wanted your smile

i wanted your love

but i didn’t give mine

guarding my heart, scared to make the leap

 

that night, twin breaths

you thought you had broken through

i thought i had ruined it all

 

and yes, it’s my fault

when i walked away from your arms

that day in the city

all the promises you wanted to keep

it was like a dream but i wouldn’t let myself fall asleep

 

i’m sorry

i’m sorry

i’m sorry

what we had won’t ever be here again

i’m sorry

i’m sorry

i’m sorry

 

I wish these words made up for everything i never said

the clues i never gave

to help you win the game you didn’t know you were playing

to help you kill the dragons you didn’t know you were slaying

 

and now i can’t think of you without feeling guilty

and lonely

and the first moment when you sat at our table and made me smile

and the night we slept on that couch

and the day we had coffee

and the time you found out I was ticklish

and how my friends wondered how we had what we had

and the days i spent wanting more of you

 

i’m sorry

i’m sorry

i’m sorry

 

and i can’t tell you how proud i am of you

and how i have no right to be

and how i cheer for you in my mind

every week

and how you are the smartest strongest most beautiful man i ever knew

and how i can’t think of your arms without wishing i was in them

my head on your chest

 

it’s all gone now

we could have been beautiful

and i know you tried

and i wish you knew

i’m sorry

____________________________

I guess I should’ve given warning, but I hate putting any kind of foreword (AKA disclaimer) on my work. Read it, think about it and then hear my blab on.

But anyways, I listened to Taylor Swift’s new album more than I care to admit, and the girl’s gotten me through the rougher bits of my relatively recent breakup. So, I guess it makes sense that her emotional song-write-y style wormed its way into my mind. Expect more of the same.

As always, comments/likes/nods of approval are ALWAYSALWAYSALWAYS welcome. Still waiting on that first comment…it would be a great thing for a new blogger to get some feedback…nudge, nudge, wink, wink…

 

Love and corny country music,

Unglib